I have emptied every box that is in the garage. Most were books (Weird, right? So shocking), and those books are either repacked again or they've been given away to Goodwill and Out of the Closet, which I have to assume has a more relaxed attitude towards porn than Goodwill is going to be.

There are large items I can't fit into the car when it comes to hauling off to Goodwill, but apparently our alley is visited by fairies, and after leaving out a bookshelf and a television table only to find them gone in the morning, I have left out a desk and a TV tonight. If the fairies don't visit (or only like flatscreens), I'll deal with those items in the future.

My apartment is above the garage, and in both the pun sense and the cleaned out sense, is another story. Tomorrow I'll shove a fuck-ton of laundry into the car and do the cleaning (broom/mop/duster) that is massively overdue, and at some point I'll get the car cleaned. At this point I've got 40 hours until a friend comes to visit - hopefully the place will be decent enough that she can go through the acres of yarn and find things she'd like to take, and we can take a few days to just play.
Books, books, books... Several boxes are headed, or have already gone, to Out of the Closet. Clothing, household goods and some more of the more boring books went to Goodwill. Meanwhile, I've got two or three boxes of books, which, I'm sure more to come.

This is just the garage, of course. The apartment itself... The words hoo and boy come to mind.

A really good find: my old passport! I thought I'd lost it, and I thought I'd actually done something stupid, like throw it away. It expired in ... 1996? I think? and I couldn't remember when I'd last seen it, so I thought maybe I'd done something just that lunkheaded. But now, there it was. \o/!

And the car is loaded for the first trip in the morning, and progress is now visible.
Today I took two carloads of books and DVDs to Out of the Closet, but I also have a HUGE box I'm bringing to Escapade with DVDs and books. I don't know how much room I'll be able to wangle on the swap table, so there might be an annex in my hotel room. Doctor Who, Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis, a few other shows and movies movies movies, as well as books that might be of interest. I don't know, and today is not the day I'm cataloging the bunch.

If I annex my hotel room, they'll still be considered swap table items, so if you take stuff from my collection, you are on your honor to hit up the money jar on the swap table.

You may now resume your evening.
Instead of starting on the garage yesterday, I sat at a coffee house and wrote.
I did that today, too, but came home at 4pm and started the process. In two hours, I filled the car for Goodwill, and started a pile of things to take to Out of the Closet.

I am trying to be ruthless. Failure is happening but I have cleaned out five storage bins that I can now fill with clothing to be moved, along with some other shit. If I can use the word shit, I can probably use the phrase TOSS IT OUT MOTHERFUCKER, but seriously, progress was made.

Will enough progress happen? Tune in tomorrow.
I am back at home and starting the process of clearing out the stuff that isn't going to Oregon with me. For those going to Escapade, I'll most likely be bringing a big stack of books and DVDs for the swap table. Anything not taken will be sent to a farm upstate Out of the Closet.

I took a lot of clothes to Goodwill yesterday, and when I came home I realize that was, as far as the iceberg goes, a few cubes chipped from the top. Note to self: never live anywhere for fourteen years unless you plan to die there and let other people deal with it. My brother has offered to fly down and drive up a u-haul with me, whereas I'd been thinking about hiring movers. Then again, I am tossing the mattress and most likely giving the frame to someone on Freecycle (I'm assuming someone will want a frame for a full bed...), and the furniture I plan to take with include a couch, a podium, two bookshelves and possibly an entertainment center and a very old chest, a cassone, as it's known. It's an heirloom and made of the heaviest wood that they could shove into a black hole and make denser.

I live on the second story.

The cassone is my main concern and reason to desire a moving company to deal with it. My brother says to just get some strong friends. My brother, by the way, is a retired fire-fighter. He is confused that I do not have a super number of buff friends like he does. Le sigh.

Oh, and?

Since I'm now back from my trip, it's sinking in that I don't have a job. It is sinking, not unlike bad food in one's stomach, and I have to remind myself that I'm giving myself until, you know, JUNE before I freak out, so this is a little unseemly. I then have to remind myself that there is no way I'm not going to panic at the first chance I get.

But here we are, and along with the financial fears are the "Am I going to be able to find a job or should I have stuck with the soul-sucker?" worries that are drinking buddies of the financial fears. They're the "maybe you are a dinosaur and you cannot adapt" worries, and I think the solution is to reach out to the library placement folks I know and talk with them. So I guess I'll do that after posting this. Thanks, Dreamwidth - I appreciate the pep talk.
I have sock yarn but no #5 needles, so whipping out a hat is a problem.

Meanwhile... I go out to the hotel shuttle pick-up spot at the Knoxville Airport and call the hotel as directed. I'm told it'll be about 10 minutes.

30 minutes later when I call, I'm told that he must have missed me because he's already been there and back.

No, no he hasn't, I say, because seriously, no, and it's cold.

She's very sorry and says she's sending him back out and it'll be 5-10 minutes. And he appears and tells me he's sorry, he missed the text.

Which happens and I'm not mad because that happens. I'm just cold and I've been on the move since 4AM my time so my first-world ass would like a shower and a beer, and I'm not particular about the order.

I am not thrilled at the music selection in the shuttle, which picks up for a variety of airport hotels and is playing Christian rock, but HELLO I AM IN TENNESSEE AND I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

(mostly that I am surrounded by the dominant religion which has a certain cross-section of butthurt when you suggest that maybe they'd be upset if you wanted to play Tibetan bells so maybe they could switch to something that at least leads to arguments of taste and not faith oh no, I understand, you are persecuted sorry to bring it up)

But the lady at the counter, who is friendly and I am most likely just being a pest... Repeats that the shuttle guy had picked up people at the airport. That's not what the dude said to me, AND also, NO, not since I first called. That might be a good theory but the minute the facts collide with the theory, the theory needs to be set aside.

I asked if there was another shuttle area and she didn't say there was, she just said that maybe it was crowded and the shuttle driver and I didn't see each other, and now I know that I need to shut up but goddamn it there was no one there. It was an empty lot. And I say that.

The conversation is over but I'm...


I'm right but I'm not happy and I forget about that, the idea that there are certainly things where you need to be right at the expense of happiness (these are the hills we die on) and there are times where you let it go even when you're right because it's just not worth it (these are not the hills we die on), and it 's safe to say that right now there are plenty of worthy hills.

But... and I don't let it go... someone else is going to have my same complaint. And maybe after a third they realize there's a problem because that bitch complained because she was cold.


I am not mad, but when I get to the hotel and the lady at the counter
I am on my way to Tennessee for a board meeting. As a person who just missed the cut for the Rio Olympics in the sport of over-packing, I am making the scary choice to fly only with carry-ons for my 4-day trip. Your prayers are appreciated. They are offering to stow it for free. My resistance is weakening.

ETA: I'm checking my backpack. I am weak, people.

It is only as I stood outside my aunt's place (she's LAX-convenient) waiting for a cab that I realize I have not packed three items that would make this trip easier:

1. Pain relievers
2. The Salonpas pad that would be awesome on my back for the two long flights.
3. The Escapade badgeholder that is my constant companion on trips, because it can hold my ID and ticket along with cash and a credit card, thus relieving the need to get into the purse.

Friday was my last day at the soul-sucking job. I maybe shouldn't put it that way, because maybe it'll be perfect for the next person. But I doubt it.

So, Friday was the last day, and the deadline for a board report that I turned in Saturday night.

This means of course that I received more reports on Sunday.

But the important take-away from this post is:

I am not accepting the offer to stay with my job. Right now I'm leaving in joy. If Istay, I'll just end up leaving in anger. These people are rat bastards but they're human and some are good, so I'll leave in joy, with glee and be thankful that I'm gone and stop wondering why my conversations about work sound eerily similar to past conversations about ex-girlfriends.

So since I have Monday off, I have had my last Monday at this job. I will now commence with the last other days, and will have a few lunches with people and apparently there's a reception planned that a partner spilled the beans on.

And you know I'm kicking myself that last week wasn't my last week: in my new secretary gig (unpaid, remember - completely volunteer) I need to assemble the reports people are sending me in prep for a meeting in two weeks. My deadline to send it out to people is the 20th, which coincidentally, is my last day of work. There's still stuff I'd like to get done because as much as I'd love to leave a ton of shit for other people to have to deal with (I'm not the only one who saw Snowball Express as a kid, am I? Of, fine, so I'm the only one willing to admit it.), I also don't want to be a d-bag.
So, hello.

The problem with not posting and then posting is the feeling that I should probably address the gap in between, which, when most of the reasons for not posting is laziness, sound bad. Especially if we consider these journals to be in conversation, you know? I'm not saying anything and then I do... well, you needn't respond, of course.


Since June 25th (my last post), the following has happened:
*I attended a storytelling conference.
*I said something to a friend who was on the board of the conference organization about wanting to do more service work, expecting to be told to stuff envelopes or make phone calls, as I haven't done any service work for this group, and while I may have been secretary on a few different boards, they were for smaller divisions of other organizations, so I certainly wasn't expecting him to say the board could use a secretary.
*I am now the secretary for a national organization.
*I wondered how this would jibe with my job - not that I don't have days I can use for this or anything, and I'm sure it would all work out, but half a second after wondering, a voice in my head told me it didn't matter what the people at my job thought, because I was going to be quitting and moving to Oregon. I found that a strange thought, and yet it was the most beautiful thought I'd ever had, and it filled my soul with shining glee. I told other people - my wise council, the people I expect to give me the balls-honest truth when I say I have a voice in my head telling me to quit my job and move - and they all applauded the voice. I reminded them the voice said nothing about what I would do for work, just that I was quitting and moving, and they all nodded and cheered me on.
*In December, I officiated the wedding of a beloved nephew and his beautiful bride.
*In December, upon coming back to work, I announced I was quitting, and compromised on ending my work January 20 instead of December 30. As this is not going to give me a lot of time to prepare for the first meeting of the board I'm now on, I am what is known as AN IDIOT. But one who is quitting so hahahahaha.
*In December, at the end of the month, I discovered I had only written about 160K this year, but I still decided to pledge 200K again. After, all, in a very short period of time I will have a lot of time to write. Hopefully I will actually write.

This brings us to today, when the people at work sprung a counter-offensive, offering to let me do my job but in Portland.

This sounded so good I almost said yes. But a part of me - and I think the voice is part of this - wonders if I'm not going for security in place of liberty. Granted, I've had to trust that my job was to quit and then things would work out, and um, this would work out. But... I think I need out. Maybe just this firm, or maybe law firms altogether.

I have not made a decision yet. My boss is in favor of me doing this, but only if I'm serious about the job. It is, in part, out of concern that I'm not going to be happy long term, and in part, I'm certain, out of concern that she's just going to have to replace me when I fuck off and quit.

And had she not brought it up in concern of my happiness (and hers), I would have done just that, gone up with the job, and started looking around, because it's easier to find a job when you have a job, yadda yadda. But now I feel I'd be false, and I just can't do that.

There's more to the story. But it's late and I think we can all agree this is a lot to digest. I have promised a member of the wise council to make no decision tonight, or at least to not announce a decision. If I come to a decision and still feel strong about it in 24 hours, well, great, shout it out. But for now, you should know that I'm moving to Portland after Escapade.
I have not seen "The Lady Vanishes," but a reread of AJ Hall's Dissipation and Despair mentioned them, and not, knowing them, I queried Google to find they were from the Hitchcock film, as two men who'd agreed that there was a lady who vanished, but they didn't want to say as that would have meant an inquiry, which would have delayed them from seeing a cricket match.

Someone decided that these two boys needed some more life, and so a mystery series was produced.

This afternoon I was at the memorial for the friend I'd last wrote about, and got to talking to another person about how I write fan fiction. She'd heard the term (a teacher who is doing a summer writing camp for 5th and 6th graders) and wanted to know more. The luncheon wasn't the proper setting, but I did mention that there's a few scholarly works out there about the subject, including Textual Poachers and she said that I sounded like I'd read a lot and had the goods. I said I was of little brain when it came to meta, but still I was able to put her on to the fact that our demi-monde had some solid backing when it came to the question of legitimacy.

Excuse me, but someone's put the C&C series on Youtube, and I feel I should most likely check it out.

Note: I was able to deter her from sending her kids to Get Your Words Out, but suggested that there had to be some analog for the younger set. What's the Internet for, if not to help kids form writing circles? Writers maybe prefer isolation and solitude but we also like to talk with others about how we face the empty screen, and the characters who won't do as we say.
They look like Star Trek plants to me, the papier mache and rubber creations that either infect the whole crew with sex thoughts (Spock is able to smile? Whah?) or else lead to an off-screen funeral for yet another red shirt.

So even though I'm in SoCal, AKA Drought City, and I agree with xeriscaping and water reductions and a six-minute shower feels like a luxury that I don't even know what to do with... I still hate succulents and feel my skin crawling back to Oregon whenever I see them.

Luckily, I rent an apartment and don't need to angst over a yard of my own.

This is all backstory, btw. An obituary of sorts follows. )
I'm getting flack from a friend who says she can't believe there's anyone who prefers Bones to Kirk and Gordon to West?

She got a little fluttery, remembering Jim getting on a horse. I admit he's pretty, and I'm not opposed to K/S, I'm just saying... Bones and Artemis Gordon? Smart goes farther.

This is a GYWO Bingo challenge, 16 squares of sensory words. Each square demands at least 500 words of story, but if you know me, you already know that that's less a rule than a guideline okay less a guideline than a laughable suggestion not going to be what happens.

For the Due South fans, there are scenes with Fraser and Ray. For the Buffy fans, there's some vampire stuff and a werewolf (sorry, not Oz. But Oz respects this man, and I'd say he'd be best portrayed by Ian McShane, or at least that's who is in my head when I write this character). There are also a lot of original characters based on the stories that have grown out of my Due South/Buffy mash-up (and um, not that it shows in these stories, but that mash-up also include M7-ATF and Stargates of the SG-1 and Atlantis varieties. No, there is no end to my shame, it's true.

But still! I wrote and finished and posted! Sorry for all those who lost (what looked like) easy money on me never posting ever again.

The link lets you read it in chapters, or all in one. Meanwhile, each chapter has a title that is the sensory word - but then there were apparently titles they wanted for each chapter in GYWO, and links to each story... anyway, here are the links to each story along with the titles I didn't add since I like the prompts as titles. But that's me. Or something. Anyway, if you to see the titles, chapter links and warnings, here they are. You won't see them in the actual stories because I suck at times.

Title: Second Cup
Fandom/Original: Due South/BtVS
Prompt: Honest
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 2295
Summary: Something is amiss at the local Second Cup
Warnings: death of vampires you’ve never met before. Also, a child dressed in pink.

Title: This is the Bright Side of Life
Fandom/Original: Due South
Prompt: Pessimism
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 1587
Summary:You know he’s a hypocrite, right? If this was Bizarro World and I was raising Gracie on my own and Benton was still doing his Canadian hermit routine with the cot and a closet, do you think for one moment he wouldn’t be tripping me in order to get out in front of the bullets? You can hear him, can’t you: “Ray, you have a child who depends on you coming home at night.”
Warnings: Fraser Logic

Title: Involuntarily Pink
Fandom/Original: Due South
Prompt: Indulgent
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 1121
Summary: I would kill vampires every day if it would make the world better for our daughter, and I’d use a pink stake if I needed to.
Warnings: Helplessness

Title: Home
Fandom/Original: BtVS
Prompt: Lazy
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 2089
Summary: You can’t throw a man out of his own home, nor can you run home to nurse your wounds when you are already home.
Warnings: Schmoop.

Title: Rash Decision
Fandom/Original: Due South
Prompt: Nurturing
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 988
Summary: He says it’s not contact dermatitis, it’s just a heat rash because she’s from upper BC and she’s wearing a sweater in Toronto in August.
Warnings: Humidity and wool.

Title: Taking the Bull by the Horns
Fandom/Original: Original
Prompt: Flaky
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 837
Summary: Without someone making a change, this meeting would be the same as last year, and the year before.
Warnings: None. Well - It’s a board meeting, so soul-sucking?

Title: Cautious Optimism
Fandom/Original: Original, but based on BtVS and veering into it at one point.
Prompt: Loyal
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 990
Summary: The academy had had a collective choking fit over the discovery that Spike - the former and current William Pratt - was back in the flesh. That it was human flesh was another fit, and the fact that he was dating her brother was one of those quiet eyes burning a hole in the carpet fits that told much more of a story than Lottie really wanted to ask about at that time.
Warnings: Awkward silence.

Title: Tooth and Claw
Fandom/Original: Original
Prompt: Inconsiderate
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count:637
Summary: The best bakery in Toronto closes in August. Violence was inevitable.
Warnings: Pissed-off werewolf

Title: Preparedness
Prompt: Brave
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 1475
Summary: The best way to help a Slayer is to not get yourself killed.
Warnings: Obsession

Title: The Pushmi-Pullyu Quinquennial
Fandom/Original: Original, based on BtVS
Prompt: Passive-aggressive
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 2301
Summary: For five generations, the Scattergood Covenant was dedicated to the eradication of the fiend known as Spike.
Warnings: Paleo v Shortbread

Title: On the Care and Discipline of Men
Fandom/Original: Original, based on Due South
Prompt: Capable
Rating: Teens? I guess?
Word or Line count: 616
Summary: Renee was rarely wrong.
Warnings: carpet beating.

Title: Goal Oriented
Fandom/Original: BTvS
Prompt: Ambitious
Rating: NC-17. XXX. Adult only. Perverted adults only.
Word or Line count: 3327
Summary: What Spammer is determined not to do is screw up.
Warnings: Possibly the filthiest thing I’ve ever written. URL for what he’s wearing supplied upon request.

Title: Blue Lines
Fandom/Original: Original, based on Due South. And BtVS, but that’s probably not noticeable.
Prompt: Efficient
Rating: Adult.
Word or Line count: 1784
Summary: Renee, Michel realizes, finally realizes she loves him.
Warnings: Het sex. Far milder than the last chapter.

Title: Nesting
Fandom/Original: Original, based on Due South and BtVS
Prompt: Miserly
Rating: Teen and up? Intimation that sex has occured.
Word or Line count: 1449
Summary: Renee has always made do, and now… now she wants.
Warnings: Too late at this point, but you will break free of old fears.

Title: Backwards and in high heels
Fandom/Original: Original
Prompt: Strong
Rating: NC-17 for less than 100 words of description. Teen and up for everything else
Word or Line count: 1577
Summary: Anyone can pump iron. Not everyone can wear sequins.
Warnings: The image of a 6’5” goon in drag on ice will haunt your dreams.

Title: Happy Endings
Fandom/Original: Due South
Prompt: Warm
Rating: All ages
Word or Line count: 1192
Summary: The day is over, let us now rest.
Warnings: Well-deserved lethargy.
Toronto in August is a 16-chapter ... story? Dunno if that's the right word...

Toronto in August is a loosely-interconnected series of 16 stories covering one bingo card of character traits. Three characters are from either Due South or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes, I'm just the sort of person to cross fandoms without any thought to taste or dignity), and most of the characters are OCs. Most of the chapters would be rated All Audience, but one chapter does involve male lingerie and some fairly slutty behavior. Consider yourself warned.

This was a bingo challenge for Get Your Words Out. My card was full of character traits, and I chose to do a blackout (well, it's a 16-tiled board, but still) covering one day in Toronto in August when the best bakery in town is closed.
First: I posted a plea for someone to help with a DVD of Alan Rickman moments. Or at least I thought I posted it... the draft asking if I'd like to post it, however, leads me to believe that didn't happen.

Second: I have bronchitis. I'm of the opinion I'm the only one packing a thermometer and two kinds of cough syrup. Will I have the only inhaler? Most likely not.

I can see me sitting in the back of rooms before going to back to my room to nap. Feel free to wave as I go by.
Giraffes are great animals if you like dark meat.
So. I didn't call HR at the possible new employer. I went to the website and found the job was still there and the link to the application was intact. I posted my stuff. Hopefully all is well.
Is Friday.

I want this job for many reasons, I like the librarians, I like the staffing ratio (300 attorneys and five librarians, compared to my current 1000+ and seven...), and I could go on.

And I want out of where I am. I have to put that one down because it's honest, but if the only thing a new place brings is that it's not where I was, then you run the risk of leaving the frying pan for the shiny flames.

And it went well! A second interview is Friday! And a friend knows the head of reference there and put in a good word, and her husband, whose company uses this law firm, sent an email of "my wife says she's awesome, I know she's a nice person, I realize you can't use that as the basis for hiring but hey, I'm still gonna put in a good word."

I want to hug them and pet them and call them George.

I brought in the application, and only now see that there's an online application I have to do, too. Yes, I did not read the instructions. So I clicked on the link.

And it's no longer available.

Tomorrow I will call and throw myself on the mercy of the HR person. Until then I have to NOT KICK MYSELF because wow.

But still - how bad does it look that I didn't do it?

You know?
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